Speaking of babies...

I think because I have a few friends that just recently had babies they have been on my mind lately. So the other night I had a dream that I was in the hospital and the nurse had handed me my baby and I was in the process of having the baby latch on for their first time feeding. That was the whole dream, just that. For some, this type of dream may be a happy one but for me it was just cruel and mean, reminding me that I will never have the birthing experience or the experience to breast feed my own child. I am happy for my friends that get to experience this but that doesn't take away the pain I feel for that lost privilege of being a mother.


I was talking with someone the other day and they were telling me how there are benefits to not having children and the whole "take my children for a couple of days and you'll be glad that you don't have any." I understand what she was trying to say and she didn't mean any disrespect but the difference between me and her is that she had the CHOICE to have children and I didn't. I wanted to, no, I desired to have children but biologically I can't. I didn't choose that, that is just one of my trails in life.  Can the "benefits" of not having children really be seen as "benefits" if you didn't choose that path in life?

Even though I am excited about adoption and can't wait until we are able to bring home our own special child, I still grieve for the loss of being able to experience the creating a little child, carrying that child for 9 months, birthing that child, and breastfeeding that child. I am grateful for those friends of mine that are able to have babies and don't have to go through my struggle; I would never wish this upon anyone. But if you happen to see me tearing up when holding your baby or when I am attending your baby shower don't worry because I am happy for you. The best way to help me is to keep inviting me to baby showers, keep inviting me to hold your precious little babies, and keep letting me be apart of your family.

What's going on...

I recently was invited to a baby shower and this is the gift I made for her nursery. Her colors were green, white, and pink. I think it turned out pretty well.

I just recently had a birthday, I am now officially 32! Wow how time flies. I can't believe I am that old. I have been wanting a new dress for a while so for my birthday Robert bought me a dress. I absolutely love it. It is bright with tons of color, which I love, and it is super long so even when I put on my highest high heels it still touches the ground. I have I mentioned that I love it!!

This past weekend we went to San Diego to visit friends that are graduating and to see my friends new little baby. She is so cute and I got to change her diaper and hold her for quite a while considering both grandparents were there also. Isn't she precious! I just absolutely love babies and am so happy for my friends that are having babies.

Walking

This week so far has been great. Every morning Robert has gotten up and walked with me. They have been shorter walks then I would like but needless to say, we are walking. It is nice to spend time with my husband before he has to go to work. I am grateful that he is willing to get up earlier to walk with me. :)